The Holy Trinity:

Lincoln, DotA, and Coffee:

"I have coffee... which means I'm going to get a lot of last hits."

Marc Amos Said

"#ffffe5 is the new #ffc."

Asia

"Why learn English? Is it just to chat with friends? HSA reminds you of the right answer: to become prime human capital in the global economy."

Jane

"I don't know anything about people."

Sean

"When I took that keilbasa out of the package it almost exceeded my penis limit."

Wait Wait, September 28

"[Clay Aiken], the actor and singer who rose to fame on American Idol five years ago confirmed he is gay in a cover story for People magazine; he says he's come out now because first he has a son now, he wants to teach that son to be truthful in his life, and secondly - aw, come on! Many of Mr. Aiken's fans, known for their conservative musical tastes and for being as clueless as a box of hammers, were shocked by the revelation."
...
"In other shocking revelations this week, John McCain said he was old, and Barack Obama revealed himself to be black."

My Preciousssss

From This Week's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me:
"James Carville...that guy gets spookier looking every year, doesn't he? He's beginning to look a lot like that Lord of the Rings character, Gollum. He held onto the ring a little too long."
"And Hillary is his precious."

Baseball Analogy Par Excellence

Governor of Ohio at the Dems Convention: It was said of the first George Bush that he was born on third base, and thought he hit a triple. Well, The second George Bush came into office on third base, and then stole second.

Barack Obama

Dude on NPR: "Barack Obama typically has this ability to read from a phonebook and have it sound inspiring."

God

Miya: I feel like to respect god but not respect human culture is to miss the point of god.

Jane's pie is so delicious

Sean: I'm getting pieabetes!

"n00b", noun

Shannon: i would just like to say
that i am fully editing my first manuscript
and it is about video games
Shannon: and i just corrected nOOb to n00b
Shannon: because, well, it was wrong.
Shannon: my note says "zeros, not letters! n00b!"
Shannon: :-P

Wait Wait

From Wait Wait Don't Tell Me:

"In just a minute, Cory receives this week's shipment of limericks from our factory in Nantucket."

Compatability

Joey: Could you have a relationship with a feminine gay guy?
Sean: Well, no, but thats because I'm not backwards compatible.

iPhone.WIN

Via SMS
Sean: I miss Dota. Also, my phone capitalized that.

The Apple Philosophy

Via AIM
Sean: I wish Steve Jobs designed my tux
Sean: because then it would only have one button