Stephen Colbert:

The USA Today is like a Denny's placemat with news.

Cookie Monster...

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/5/5bryan.html

...SEARCHES DEEP WITHIN
HIMSELF AND ASKS: IS ME
REALLY MONSTER?

BY ANDY F. BRYAN

Me know. Me have problem.

Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness. Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn't normal. Me see disapproving looks. Me see stares. Me hurt inside.

When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can't stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don't think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.

Me was thinking and me just don't get it. Why is me a monster? No one else called monster on Sesame Street. Well, no one who isn't really monster. Two-Headed Monster have two heads, so he real monster. Herry Monster strong and look angry, so he probably real monster, too. But is me really monster?

Me thinks me have serious problem. Me thinks me addicted. But since when it acceptable to call addict monster? It affliction. It disease. It burden. But does it make me monster?

How can they be so callous? Me know there something wrong with me, but who in Sesame Street doesn't suffer from mental disease or psychological disorder? They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood. No one calls Grover monster, despite frequent delusional episodes and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. And the obnoxious red Grover—oh, what his name?—Elmo! Yes, Elmo live all day in imaginary world and no one call him monster. No, they think he cute. And Big Bird! Don't get me started on Big Bird! He unnaturally gigantic talking canary! How is that not monster? Snuffleupagus not supposed to exist—woolly mammoths extinct. His very existence monstrous. Me least like monster. Me maybe have unhealthy obsession, but me no monster.

No. Me wrong. Me too hard on self. Me no have unhealthy obsession. Me love cookies, but it no hurt anyone. Me just enthusiast. Everyone has something they like most, something they get excited about. Why not me? Me perfectly normal. Me like cookies. So what? Cookies delicious. Cookies do not make one monster. Everyone loves cookies.

Me no monster. Me OK guy. Me OK guy who eat cookies.

Who me kidding? Me know me never actually eat cookies. Me only crumble cookies in mouth, but me no swallow. Me can't swallow. Me no have no esophagus. Me no have no trachea. Me only have black fabric throat. Me not supposed to be able to even talk.

Me no eat cookies.

Me destroy cookies.

Me crush cookies.

Me mutilate cookies.

Me make it so no one get cookies.

Everyone right. Me really is cookie monster.

Seen on a Neil Stephenson Book:

"Unabridged Excerpts!"

Overheard in TF2:

"Can someone give me a spood beast? No, I mean a spood boost. Damnit!"

Conversation about History

Kadam:

The statement that those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it seems misleading. I do not in any way mean to demean the study of history, but rather that history should be one of the most celebratory fields in the world: The study of humanity’s past actions doesn’t just teach us what lead to Nazism, but also contains the memories and stories of the combined sum of humanity’s success thus far in history. Perhaps a more justifiable way to phrase the point would be that those who study history are blessed with the greatest treasury of past success, and have the strongest foundation ever for the structuring of future endeavors.

To justify the title of this post, Anachromancy is my own term to indicate to myself the notion of predicting and structuring future action from the vantage point of a comprehensive view of the past. Obviously the future is created through a continual dialectic between the existing structure and new ideas, but far too often the new is overemphasized.

Therefore, history should be a required course. Next time on Nova, nodal points and the coming cultural event horizon!

Joey:

I love history because of the sheer depth of it. At it’s core, history is about humanity, and humanity is rich with experiences, feelings, and stories. As you said, the sum total of human experience up until this very moment is a truly humbling thing indeed, like looking up at the billions of stars in the universe.

It always amazes me that so many people are obsessed with “new”, when there’s so much unexplored and undiscovered sweetness and melancholy in the old.

The Late Isabelle Labaune:

“All the men who appear in my life want me to be a housewife. But I have a dream. I suffer when I am alone, but I would suffer a lot more if I abandoned the purpose of my life.”

The Leaves Have Passed

It is now the season of silhouettes.

The Modern Age

There are too few monarchies these days...